JOBS (SATIRE)

Written by Bobby Norton November 2013

          Jobs!  Jobs!   Jobs!  We need jobs!  But if that small group of Christian extremists has its way, there will be fewer still.  They keep insisting

that we eliminate those job positions which furnish our nation with its abundant supply of illegal drugs, illegal weapons, pornography, prostitution, obscene night life, stolen goods, and so on and on forever and ever, amen.  They propose to do so primarily by converting these highly trained and poorly paid supply and service technicians of social pollution into hard-working, law-abiding Christian citizens willing to work for an honest day’s wage.  These Christians actually believe this will improve the social climate of our society.  Well, maybe they are right in that respect, but they are certainly naïve concerning the devastating effect it could have on our economy through the loss of jobs.

          Just consider the financial fallout in the event the Church should successfully convert even some of the people who run these illegal operations.  First, we would have to displace that part of our police force no longer needed to control them.  And what of the judges who try them, the lawyers who defend them and the prison personnel who incarcerate them?  Also, we must consider the lost income of doctors and hospital staff, who, for a tidy sum, treat so many of us in the aftermath of our consuming these bad boys’ merchandise.  We must also think of the financial loss of drug company employees who presently work around the clock to produce the pills that counteract the consequences of our availing ourselves of some of their more pernicious products.  As well, the undertaker would loose that portion of his due earned in the disposal of our prematurely deceased bodies.  And don’t forget about those poor, already underpaid preachers who would not be speaking those last few comforting words over our earthly remains.  All these folks need to feed their families too.

          This same little mob of Churchgoers also wants prayer back in our public schools.  Can you imagine the toll taken for such in jobs lost?  This would result in reduced need for the service of the policemen, the judges, the lawyers, the doctors, the hospital staff, the undertakers and the preachers for another whole generation.  As well, the merchants of condoms, patches, drugs, and teen abortions would most certainly suffer.  Professionals such as child psychologists, behavioral scientists, teen pregnancy counselors, and juvenile justice system employees would all definitely be affected.  All these and perhaps many more fields of employment might see their positions eliminated, or, at best, their numbers reduced and their operations redefined.  All this sacrificed for well - educated children.  We just cannot afford such as this.

          And, worse yet, these Bible carrying anti-jobs types want to publish the Ten Commandments everywhere, especially at our institutes of law and learning.  Don’t they understand that if we were to respond positively to this Higher Law stuff, it would have the same effect on our economy as converting the peddlers of perversity and putting prayer back in schools?  This move as well could affect most every field of employment.  If these nice people get their way all of us might just be reduced to working at jobs supplying goods and services that contribute exclusively to a long, productive, healthful, happy and satisfying life.  Perish the thought!  Yes, we need to do all we can to silence these Christian propositions.  We can begin at the polls by expelling those in the government that agree with such faith-based organizations.  We must do so if we are all to keep our JOBS!